Showing posts with label Made You Look. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Made You Look. Show all posts

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Made You Look - oh Google....how you disappoint me some more

From New Scientist, Sept 2-8, 2006, P. 64

"So what's this "FWSEing," you ask? Lawyers for a famous web search engine (FWSE) beginning with G have been sending out letters to remind publications that we must not use their trademarked name as a verb, lest we "dilute" it and turn it into an ordinary English word that
nobody can sue over. So we shan't. "Foosieing" it is from now on. I Fwse, thou FWSEest, she, he or it FWSEies..."

Man, this is lame and anal.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Made You Look - C.L.A.S.S.I.C.

"Nico, do you have any Asian porn?"


"Erm, do you have any subtlety?"


"Is that what you're trading for porn?"



Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Observational Remarks/Made You Look - "Monogamy - it's the worst possible system until you look at the alternatives."

Taken in its entirity, this list screams of insecurity. yeah yeah - it's taken out of context yada yada yada,..., just don't argue with me about this. The smart ones don't. Take heed.


15 things no man wants to hear... from a woman

Mick Hunter
Sunday April 9, 2006
The Observer


1 Any stories about ex-boyfriends, even ones told against the poor blokes. If your ex was a violent, brainless, tattooed ex-con, this will only make us feel boring and unmanly. And scared.

2 The phrase 'I'd say it's bang-on average, if not slightly bigger'. Best to steer clear of the size issue. Like us talking about your weight, it can only lead to misunderstanding and hurt.

3 Obsessive accounts of your diet and exercise regime. Men like skinny women, true. But they dislike being exposed to the borderline eating disorders and pathological obsessiveness that produce them. And curvy and sane always beats mad and thin. Eventually.

4 The accusing phrase, 'What's wrong with the blue dress, then?' after we have said we like the red one.

5 Any details of your day at work. Although men can find the most basic things endlessly fascinating - the number of buttons on their shirts, farting - they will suddenly develop ADD when it comes to your professional life. Unless you are a porn actress. No, actually, even then...

6 Any information about things you thought about buying. We are perfectly happy to admire actual purchases, but yearning for those phantom shoes/dress/bag exasperates us.

7 Stories about other men patronising you. This will give us an irresistible urge to ruffle your hair and say in a kids-TV voice, 'Awww, did dey? Did dey do dat to oo?' I know, sometimes we're asking for trouble.

8 The word 'Fine' as a stand-alone sentence. The scariest syllable in the female vocabulary.

9 The sound of weeping. It destroys us.

10 Any details of strife you may be having with your female friends. The endless round of hurt and rapprochement that constitutes girls' friendships mystifies us. If she's that much trouble just delete her from your bloody mobile.

11 The phrase, 'Hang on, I'll just reply to this text before we order'. We want first claim on your attention, woman.

12 The phrase, 'Can you turn over, you're snoring'. Great, that's both of us awake.

13 The words 'Am I special? Am I?' Especially if you are drawing a circle around our nipple with your finger at the time.

14 Anyone else's name, in your sleep.

15 Your dreams. Unless we're in them. And in a good light, too. If not, save 'em for the shrink.


And returning to the truth of reality....


WALK-OF-SHAME SHOPPING
Papermag
August 3, 2005
BY JESSI KLEIN

We girls pretend to like clothesshopping for a lot of reasons, but really, the truth is that we shop to look cute so that we can get laid. There, I said it. The thing about this is that it sucks. Aside from making me spend too much money, this also creates too much pressure and too much competition and it makes me feel bad about myself. I hate this kind of shopping, even though I occasionally have to do it. The only kind of shopping I like is the kind André Leon Talley doesn't fax about. It's the kind you do the morning after you get laid--walk-of-shame shopping.

I found this out about four years ago, when my long-term college boyfriend--the guy I lost my virginity to--and I finally broke up in a barn blaze of angst. Until then I had never been a big shopper. Getting guys to like me had usually involved relying on my personality, and having a personality in high school was exhausting. I didn't appreciate it until my mid-twenties, when I found myself suddenly single and in desperate need of some immediate male company. Even then I had my doubts about my ability to close the deal. My first instinct--and I'm ashamed to admit this--was that if I was going to find a new boyfriend, I needed to buy some sort of sparkly stuff. Or something.

Unlike men, who seem confident from birth that they can wear mesh Jets tank tops and still find action, women, for a variety of reasons, feel like unless we walk into a party wearing the latest variation on the sequin-top-tight-jeans-$250-heels sexy uniform, we will not be able to compete with our more sartorially well-equipped sisters. I'd always thought I was above this kind of thinking but as I unhappily found out, I was not. Shopping is awful, I decided.

Or so I thought until it all actually worked, and I did get laid, and I found myself waking up at some dude's house on a Thursday morning late for work. There was no way I could show up to my office in the same clothes I'd worn the day before: My closest coworkers are like a second family and are capable of noticing whether or not I've flossed. I would be mocked and interrogated or, even worse, mockingly interrogated. And so I found myself praying, as I approached the Gap on 57th and Eighth--across the street from my office--that it would be open. And it was. And it was good. Since that one memorable morning, I've been back to my trusty shame-Gap countless times. My post-sex/pre-work shopping experience has become almost as fun a part of dating as the sex itself--sometimes even more so. What better guilt-free excuse is there for buying yourself a little somethin'-somethin' than de-slutting before work?

There are so many things I love about walk-of-shame shopping. First off, when your only goal is to step out of your skank clothes, anything that even vaguely fits will do. Because these clothes only have to work for the day, they can and should be cheap and disposable.

Second, there's an externally imposed time limit on the whole process. Business is business, and there can be none of the usual fiddle-faddling about for hours as you decide between which of the eight colors of tank top looks best with your skin tone (pink, by the way, is usually the answer). I'm in and out of there in less than 12 minutes, not counting the extra two for sheepishly changing in the dressing room into what I've just purchased.

Last and most important, if I'm shame shopping, I'm probably feeling pretty good about what I look like. All the worry about the hotness of my outfit has been assuaged, at least for a little while, by remembering that when a guy really thinks you're hot, he just wants your clothes off. Plunking down $9.99 for tank tops at 9:30 a.m., I can't help but think of SJP lip-synching to that song in the Gap ad--"I Enjoy Being a Girl." This is probably not what the marketing execs had in mind, but screw 'em. ♥

Jessi Klein is a development executive at Comedy Central and frequent commentator on VH1.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Made You Look/Visuals - "autobot poontang"

Introducing my new online hero - Craig of Puntabulous!


The magic he can render from MSPaint and common pop culture references, along with simple materials within the confines of his abode is incomparable.



Original and creative humour in a form of witty narcissistic, tongue-in-cheek self-depreciating creations warms my heart ^_^ Props to Craig.

Notable amusements:

More than meets the eye

A night in the life of Puntabulous

Friday, March 10, 2006

Visuals/Made You Look - Shameless gloat

I. Am. Exhibited.

*sigh of satisfaction*

Didn't ya guess that I'm a secretly starving-to-be-exhibitionist? ;)

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter! One of my photo entries was selected to be exhibited at the 84th Annual Exhibition of Photographs held at:
Specifically at the J.M. Barnicke Art Gallery, Hart House, North Wing, Univ. of Toronto. It is open Monday to Friday, 11:00am to 7:00pm, and Saturday and Sunday, 1:00pm to 4:00pm. The exhibition runs from March 9, 2006 to April 6, 2006. Free admission!

There's my photo in the foreground.

The exhibited photo:
Titled "Forget me not: Alcatraz Island"*

A record of all my submitted entries:

Titled "Peddlers of the Past: Cat Street, Hong Kong"

Titled "Quill"
*My grateful acknowledgment to "Feathers" for the convincing and definitive title and all those who put up with my fretting and contributed their invaluable opinions. - xoxo SoW

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Made You Look - Who's joining you for the Hollywood goldrush?


It's never too late...as long as you're somewhat European-looking and of course, a hot-ass bitch.

Notable propositions:
(my comments in italicized green)


HEY, PLEASE BE MY OSCARS DATE....
Reply to:
pers-138732611@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-03, 1:02PM PST


HEY, PLEASE BE MY OSCARS DATE....

RMe and my friend have tickets to the Annual OSCAR Awards and we are looking for a couple of girls. However, we are both posting seperately and will hook up at the show.

Both of us are looking for a couple of cuties that loves to have a good time up for seeing Terrance Howard and Brokeback Mountain clean house winning all the awards. I just want to have a great time on I have great seats, so we can see everything. My tickets are right behind the celebs.
(I'm not even gonna comment on the rather confusing sentence structure exhibited here.)
I hope that you are hot. Single White/Mexican/Jewish/Irish/Italian/Persian/Iranian/Greek girls ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Fantastic! Let's stick with the racially homogenizing status quo! So would this guy say no to Halle Berry, Gong Li, and the like?)

Craigslist is known for men to pose as women, so I WILL NOT COMMUNICATE MORE THAN 2 TIMES VIA EMAIL TILL WE TALK ON THE PHONE. (Here's to his trannies-phobia.) Party on! (Party on Wayne! Party on Garth!)

THE ACADEMY AWARDS ARE MARCH 5, 2006. I want to meet you before so we can get to know each other. (So he can make sure you are as vapid and rawboned as nico and lindsay.)


I'm looking for an Oscar (and parties) date - 27
Reply to: pers-138210382@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-01, 5:56PM PST


Hi,

I'm going to the Oscars (have friends who have gotten me some great connections (banging the BFF of the cousin of the hairdresser's assistant to a B-lister) and hitting up a few parties afterwards. Not sure which ones (he can't decide between the shindig at the local dive bar/strip club with $1 cocktails if you show up in drag as one of the nominees or the Oscar bucket-wings special at Hooters), but I know they'll be good. I'd like to find a nice girl who will make me look good ('cause it seems like the toupee isn't cutting it anymore and ever since the eye-lift he got in the Dominican Republic, the ladies haven't been sticking around much...) to bring along as my date- we don't have to stick together ('cause he knows that you wouldn't even kiss him unless the lights were off; u know, ever since the cheapo eye-lift and lipo, even the interns have found him too repulsive to ass-kiss) - if you want to bounce around with me and schmooze to the stars and industry people and everybody else, that's fine with me. Everybody else will be doing it, too.
Anyways, if you're up for it, shoot me an email and we'll talk. If you sound like fun, I'll bring you. (like the chattel you are Oscar that he wishes he had)

Get ready for Sunday!!! (by shaving every hair off of your body b/c hairy-garry has to show u off in LA where women have no hair except on their lollipop heads)


Oscar date - 35
Reply to: pers-137774118@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-02-28, 10:16AM PST


Looking a date to attend the Oscar this Sunday. The date will consist of attending the main event and a party afterward, where we will be mingled industry VIPs.

I am looking for a lady with the following attributes: (at least he organized in list-format. i love lists)

21- 28 year old
5.5’ tall or less (oooo....k...)
Presentable appearance – that is your weight is proportional to you height.
Fun & socialize (does he mean the date CAN socialize or IS socialized well?)

If interested, please send me an email and tell me about yourself along with a pix. Shall I find you’re a good company, we will meet over a cup of coffee or a drink to get to know each other a little bit prior to the main date. This will be either on Friday or Saturday evening, depending on how my time is scheduled. I just don’t want us to embarrass each other in front of my business associates. ('cause they are quite particular about their gang-bang participants)

About me –

Mid 30’s (He's pushing 39 and looks 50.)
Working in entertainment industry (veteran gaffer - best work done in adult film)
Average appearance (He's not morbidly obese yet.)


LOOKING FOR AN OSCARS DATE FOR MARCH 5, 2006

Reply to:
pers-138131740@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-01, 1:13PM PST


I just went to the Grammys a few nights ago and it was lame as can be. (couldn't score) While I got the tickets for free, I met my date of CRAIGSLIST and she and I had a blast. Unfortuneately, she can't go to the Oscars with me, (she wasn't diggin the wannabe K-Fed look) so I'm putting up a post to meet a girl for this this big shindig.' The show will be great and maybe we can go and see every nominated movie in the next 3 weeks? (that's cute)

I hope to have a lot of fun and meet someone. I'm not looking for anything serious, but looking for a seriously good time doing the whole limo (he's gonna get off before the arrival and expect you to help him), Oscar red carpet, the show, and THE AFTERPARTIES..... (orgy with desperate porn stars trying to be legit actors)

M E ?
I'm 30 (38)
Average height
Gentleman (Everytime this term is used in this context, I find it highly amusing.)
Fun to be around
Respectful
Tasteful
Not fat, or bald or lonely or perverted... (he's trying to convince you that he's really not desperate but because of his B.O. problem and diaper fetish, he has to result to this.)
Can hold a good conversation
Great at giving massages (perhaps my imagination is stale but what does this have to do with attending the Oscar ceremony?)
Even better in the kitchen (ditto)



Oscar date needed for great bald guy - great seats - 39
Reply to:
pers-138772716@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-03, 3:16PM PST

(Look, kudos to this guy for his honesty. So I'm gonna lay off on the unnecessarily cruel comments with this one.)

I'm disappointed that my date had to cancel for family reasons.

I'm looking for a date to bring to the Oscars and to the Vanity Fair party after. I know that most women have a problem with bald guys, but that's too bad, I'm a good looking guy, 5'10, 165, white, 39, creative, a gentleman.

If you're interested, let me know. I'll send a photo if you need.

I know time is short, but I'm hoping someone can go. Better than my mother.



Monday, February 27, 2006

Made You Look - the "woah" edition

1) MC Hammer has a blog! (It's kinda cute actually.)

2) #9 on list "Existence of the following astounds me" is kickin!

3) Leah can't take the heat. oh wow. what a surprise.

Go ahead, technorati leah, google "leah mclaren" + "repressed homosexuals" as well as "ryan bigge" and you'll understand the lead up to this "withering, critical attack." (Bigge)

I couldn't help myself and opened the floodgate. Read my 2 cents here. (scroll to the bottom)

Logging out of the blogosphere

Leah McLaren
The Globe and Mail, February 25, 2006

On an average morning, I get up, make coffee, sit down at my computer
and check my e-mail before rushing out into the blogosphere -- a place
I have recently decided to vacate for good.

First, I would visit the celebrity sites -- a sordid collection of
gossip and venom peddlers, entertaining enough to get the columnist's
bile flowing. Gawker.com is a New York-based site that specializes in
celebrity takedowns disguised as sightings ("Lindsay Lohan was there
with a pretty large posse. Only two bathroom trips and she seemed to
be holding it together alright. She's still way skinny, BTW"). Then
there's Gofugyourself.com, a website devoted to cataloguing and
revelling in the truly astonishing and seemingly endless litany of
celebrity fashion mishaps.

After that, I might check out some American and Canadian
political/media blogs (Wonkette, Daily Kos, Paul Wells, Andrew Coyne)
before moving on to more "established" information sources.

The day I decided to swear off the blogosphere was the morning I
decided to plug my own name -- and the names of several other writers
I know and admire -- into the search engine at technorati.com, a site
known as Blogger HQ (it claims to itemize every new blog on the
Internet; last time I checked, the head count was more than 28
million). The results of my search were grim: countless chat rooms
full of bitter unpublished writers venomously slagging published ones
-- their terrible spelling, poorly constructed sentences and
outrageous amounts of displaced hatred and envy a testimony to why
they became bloggers in the first place.

Despite early optimistic reports that the Internet and all its
unregulated glory was going to supplant the mainstream media, in
reality the opposite has happened. When a blog is readable, the
blogger tends to be either one of two things: a professional
commentator who is providing a venue for public debate among his or
her own readers (as with Coyne and Wells), or a talented up-and-comer.
In the case of the latter, the blogger is inevitably lured into the
establishment with a book deal or position at an above-board
publication (as with the last two editors of Wonkette, who both
received six-figure book deals for outing Washingtonienne blogger
Jessica Cutler, who in turn received her own six-figure book deal and
an invitation to pose for Playboy).

So the underground media revolution is officially over. Further proof:
The February issue of Vanity Fair ran a photo featuring the Internet's
top commentators, including the typists behind Gawker, Defamer and
Wonkette. "The irony was sweet," Trevor Butterworth wrote last week in
the Financial Times. "Gawker was supposed to make fun of this kind of
inside-the-establishment posing. But the victory was sweeter: It was a
signal moment, a benediction from a magazine that, more than any
other, has become the plush chronicler of the celebrity
establishment."

My own problem with the blogosphere is not that it's selling out to
the mainstream, but that most of it is spectacularly boring. The
dominant quality is tedium: writers without editors, fact-checkers or
paying subscribers to keep them in check. As Butterworth succinctly
puts it: "If the pornography of opinion doesn't leave you longing for
an eroticism of fact, the vast wasteland of verbiage produced by the
relentless nature of blogging is the single greatest impediment to its
seriousness as a medium."

Why then, other than hearing the sound of his own voice unfettered by
editorial nips and tucks, does the blogger blog? One tempting
explanation is that what a blogger has to say is unfit for
publication. This is usually true. Much like teachers who teach
because they can't do, the blogger blogs because he can't publish.

But this doesn't hold up in all cases. Take my friend and peer David
Eddie. A Toronto-based novelist, journalist and screenwriter, Eddie
maintains a blog at http://www.davideddie.com even though he
invariably has several other professional writing projects on the go.
When I ask him (slightly incredulously) why on Earth he would bother
to write down his opinions for free, he shrugs.

"It's a good way to limber up. You get up in the morning, fire up a
blog, write the thing in 15 minutes and then you know what's on your
mind. I think it was Nabokov who said, 'How do I know what's on my
mind until I write it down?' "

Eddie's blog is whimsical and soul-searching, devoid of all the
self-serving spitefulness of many other whiners in the sphere. I find
myself checking it just to see what he's thinking. The beauty of the
blog, as he points out, is that it's informal and free-flowing, as
opposed to formal journalism, which can be stilted. For established
writers then, the attraction is creativity.

That's fine for some, but it isn't enough of a reason for me to go
on-line -- where the growing, unedited noise in the margins is too
loud to ignore -- when I can enjoy my favourite writers in more
established venues. If I'm supposed to feel part of some cool, fringe
community, or world-changing global discussion, I'm not getting it.

As Choire Sicha, formerly of Gawker and now a senior editor at the New
York Observer, told the Financial Times, the democratic promise of
blogs has produced more fragmentation at a time when seeing the bigger
picture is much more important.

"The word blogosphere has no meaning," he said. "There is no sphere;
these people aren't connected; they don't have anything to do with
each other. The world of blogs is like an entire newspaper composed of
op-eds and letters and wire-service feeds."

Which is exactly why I'm swearing off the blogosphere for good --
except, of course, for the celebs in bad outfits.

lmclaren@globeandmail.com

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Made You Look - the funnies

We try to refrain from overt displays of political partisanship here at Spoils of War Inc. We do - we try rrreeeeally hard! But like a nice piece of meat, we find some witty tongue-in-cheek humour totally irresistable and have no choice but...to jump it.

From Fafblog on the American prez.

Q & A: Our Omnipotent President


Q. Can the president spy on Americans without a warrant?
A. The president has to spy on Americans without a warrant! We're at war, and the president's gotta defend America, and he's not gonna wait for a permission slip from a judge or a senator or America to do it!
Q. That's just the kinda tough, no-nonsense thinking I like in a de facto dictator! Now some crazy people say the president broke some silly old laws like FISA and the National Security Act and the Fourth Amendment. Are these crazy people crazy?
A. They sure are! Maybe those laws worked back in 1978 back when Leonid Brezhnev was snortin coke with Ayatollah Khomeini and groovin to the hits of the Bee Gees, but in today's dark and dangerous times they just aren't enough.
Q. Things sure have changed since the innocent days of mutually assured destruction! But is it legal for the president to ignore the law?
A. Maybe not according to plain ol stupid ol regular law, but we're at war! You don't go to war with regular laws, which are made outta red tape and bureaucracy and Neville Chamberlain. You go to war with great big strapping War Laws made outta tanks and cold hard steel and the American Fightin Man and WAR, KABOOOOOOM!
Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?
A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president. If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill, then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law. And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.
Q. See it's the checks and balances that make all the difference in our democratic system.
A. It's true.
Q. Can the president spy on me without a warrant?
A. The president would never, ever spy on you, unless you're talking to a terrorist.
Q. That sounds reasonable!
A. Or an associate of a terrorist or a suspected associate of a terrorist or a possible suspected relative of a member of an affiliate of a terrorist or someone with a name that's spelled like a terrorist's or someone who's been mistakenly identified as a terrorist by an NSA algorithm.
Q. That sounds like I should look into switching to smoke signals.
A. Well if you want, the president can stop the illegal wiretapping just for you.
Q. Really? Well thanks, that'd be great!
A. And then the terrorists can come and eat you.
Q. Wait! What?
A. Cause without the wiretaps there's nothin to stop the terrorists from eatin you, yknow. The terrorists and their army of bees.
Q. Oh no! I'm allergic to terrorists AND bees!
A. Oh that's too bad, cause now the president hasta stop the illegal wiretaps and let alllll those terrorist bees eat you.
Q. Quick! Put the wiretaps back, put the wiretaps back!
A. No no, you just said you wanna get eaten. Eaten by terrorist bees.
Q. I change my mind! Please let the president wiretap me, pleeeease.
A. I dunno...
Q. Please, I can change! I DO believe in terror, I DO believe in terror!
A. Oh, alright. But just this once!
Q. It's a Nine-Elevenmas miracle!

Q. Is the president above the law?
A. Nobody's above the law! As commander-in-chief the president just outranks the law.
Q. So the president doesn't break the law. He just appoints new laws to fill vacancies in the office of law, as empowered by Acticle II of the Shmonstitution!
A. In the presidential order of succession the law falls between Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings and Secretary of Veterans Affairs Jim Nicholson.
Q. You can't put the law any higher. It would just slow down the War on Terror with bureaucratic rules and regulations like the Geneva Conventions and the Bill of Rights.
A. If the law outranked the president we'd never get anything done! The president would go toss Osama bin Laden through a plate glass window and the law would call him into his office an go "Dammit president, you're outta control!"
Q. And then the president'd be all "You're outta control, chief! The whole freakin system's outta control!"
A. And then the president would totally turn in his badge and quit the force to fight crime!
Q. Fight crime... with mind-powers.

Q. Can the president eat a baby?
A. If that baby has suspected ties to al Qaeda, then it's the president's duty to eat it - for the sake of national security.
Q. The president doesn't want to eat sweet, delicious babies. He just wants to protect America from the growing threat of a rogue baby insurgency.
A. Exactly. And nobody will have more compassion for that succulent baby barbecue than him.
Q. How many non-terrorist babies would it be acceptible for the president to accidentally eat in the course of enforcing a rigorous terrorist baby-eating program?
A. First of all, the president would never ever eat a baby unless it was reasonably suspected to be affiliated with possible terroresque program activities. Second of all, do we really wanna start tyin the president's hands when he's tryin to protect everybody from jihadist babies? They could be Islamifying our country's drool supply as we speak!
Q. Sir, I demand the immediate establishment of a cabinet-level Department of Baby-Eating!
A. Just til we win the War on Terror, of course!
Q. And with our sophisticated baby-eating technology we should be taking the Terrorstani capital of Fearlamabad any day now!
A. Of course! But the actual occupation could last quite some time, you understand...
Q. Well, yes. But the fight has to be won. These people want to use terror to destroy our freedom.
A. And that's just un-American.


Saturday, February 04, 2006

Made You Look/Harmless & Commitment-free Amusement- dirrrty moola!

Only if you're as curious as moi about this minuscule aspect of....

  1. Canada - Where's Willy?
  2. U.S.A. - Where's George?
  3. Europe - Euro Bill Tracker
  4. U.K. - Dosh Tracker
  5. Sweden - SEK Tracker
  6. Switzerland - Cash Follow
  7. Denmark - The Note (or "The C-Bill")
  8. Japan - Osatsu

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Made You Look - oh Google... how can you disappoint me?

Internet police state

This week Google agreed to let China -- where cheerful cartoon icons Jingjing and Chacha watch over people's surfing habits -- censor Web pages the government doesn't like. GEOFFREY YORK discovers that The Globe and Mail's site is among them

By GEOFFREY YORK
Saturday, January 28, 2006 PageF3

BEIJING -- When you live in China, you soon become conscious of a shadowy presence that watches over you, monitoring everything you see and do on the computer screen and the television.

George Orwell called it Big Brother. The Chinese authorities prefer a cute and cheerful name, so they've invented two cartoon figures called Jingjing and Chacha that float merrily on your computer screen. But they have the same Orwellian task: to keep you under constant surveillance to ensure that you don't look at anything unauthorized or subversive.

Jingjing and Chacha are the invention of the Internet police in the southern city of Shenzhen. They seem happy and harmless as they surf on their tiny silicon wafers. But if you put the names together, they spell jingcha -- police.

And if you try to post a comment on any of Shenzhen's websites or chat rooms, the two cartoon characters pop up on your screen to remind you that you are being monitored.

Their official task is to "maintain order" and "publicly remind all Netizens to be conscious of safe and healthy use of the Internet," one state-controlled newspaper said. In addition, Internet users can communicate with the cartoon police interactively

This month, I've been thinking a lot about Jingjing and Chacha and their cheerful censorship. The icons are just the visible face of a pervasive system of censorship and control that extends throughout China.

A few weeks ago, for example, the Globe and Mail website was abruptly blocked by the Chinese authorities.

Was there something about Canadian democracy that offended the secret security agents who patrol Chinese cyberspace? Was there something in our election coverage -- perhaps a passing reference to a banned subject such as the Dalai Lama or Falun Gong -- that somehow raised the ire of China's Web censors? Or was it a byproduct of a crackdown on a dissident website that may have contained a link to the Globe site?

I can only guess, but you're forced to guess about everything in China. The authorities never explain their reasons.

The latest saga began early this month, when I first discovered that the Globe and Mail website was inaccessible.

A couple of days later, I happened to be working in Cambodia, and discovered that the Globe site was fully accessible there.

The irony was sharp. China sees itself as an economic powerhouse in the mainstream of global business, while Cambodia is seen as an impoverished backwater. Yet it is Cambodia where the Internet is much freer.

A few days later, back in China, the Globe website was available for a few days. Then it was blocked again, and it remained blocked this week.

For any high-tech country with global ambitions in the information age, it seems paradoxical to block information. Yet this is what China does. With an estimated 40,000 Internet police officers, China makes a massive effort to control everything you see and read.

It's the uncertainty and unpredictability of the nanny state that frustrates the most. Every week, another website seems to blink off, snuffed out by the Web censors, and it is impossible to know why. A week later, the site might be accessible again -- or it might not.

You can be happily surfing the news on the Yahoo or Google news sites, but if you click on a routine story on a banned subject -- or even a story about Web censorship itself -- you will see an error message on your screen. And then the entire site becomes temporarily inaccessible, as if to punish you for your errant ways.

The dead hand of state bureaucracy lies heavily on every sphere of information. You can be browsing at a newsstand, intrigued by an article promoted in the index of The Economist or Newsweek. Buy the magazine, get home, turn to the article -- and discover that the entire page has been torn out by government censors because of an offending passage.

You can be watching CNN or BBC (generally available only at hotels or elite housing compounds that cater to foreigners) and an announcer will introduce a story about China. Suddenly the screen goes blank. The censors know what is coming next, and they don't want you to hear it.

Simple Internet research tools, such as Wikipedia and the Factiva database of media articles, can be shut down for weeks at a time. Sometimes it is a gesture of intimidation: Negotiate a commercial deal with the Chinese authorities, or face a shutdown of operations.

Meanwhile, the world's powerful Internet companies seem happy to comply with Big Brother's surveillance. Google revealed this week that it has agreed to censor itself in China to comply with Chinese regulations. Microsoft launched a portal in China last year that blocked the use of words such as "freedom" in blogs. And Yahoo agreed to comply with Chinese demands for e-mail account details on a journalist who was later jailed for his Internet activities. (Of the 62 cyber-dissidents in prisons around the world, 54 are in China.)

The censorship is worse for Chinese-language media, of course. When a village protest in southern China turned into a bloodbath, with police firing machine guns at civilian protesters, the news was inevitably blocked from the Chinese media. Only a single authorized statement from China's state-owned news agency (blaming the protesters) was permitted, and even this was not available in most media. The official statement was posted on a couple of major Chinese websites, but readers were prohibited from commenting on it.

One of China's tiny handful of adventurous newspapers, the Beijing News, was recently stripped of its independent-minded editors, and a loyal cadre was appointed to bring it under control. Another outspoken newspaper, a weekly supplement to China Youth Daily, was shut down this week.

Less than three years ago, China was entering a brief flowering of press freedoms, linked to the SARS epidemic and the change of leadership at the top of the Communist Party. But today, with President Hu Jintao consolidating his power, China is rolling back the freedoms. While the rest of the world embraces the opportunities of the Internet, China is moving in the opposite direction.

To research this article, I wanted to look at an international survey of press freedom by Reporters Without Borders, an independent Paris-based organization. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, their website was blocked in China. To dodge the censors, I had to send an e-mail message to the hardworking librarians at The Globe and Mail's head office in Toronto, asking them to dig up the study and send it to me.

The survey, incidentally, gave China a dismal rating of 159 out of 167 countries in the global index of press freedom. Only a few totalitarian countries -- including North Korea, Turkmenistan and Cuba -- are rated as worse than China in their press freedoms. Even the war-torn country of Iraq is rated as freer than China.

I briefly wondered whether those jolly cartoon figures, Jingjing and Chacha, might want to say anything about this trend. But they were inaccessible to a reporter from Beijing Youth Daily who tried to explore these questions. "The main function of Jingjing and Chacha is to intimidate, not to answer questions," the journalist was told by an official at the Internet Security and Surveillance Division of the Shenzhen Public Security Bureau.

Geoffrey York is The Globe and Mail's correspondent in Beijing.

*****
I understand the benefits - and really, the need - for Google to get involved in the China market. But I certainly hope that Google will keep the utmost careful watch on the boundary of their compromise.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Made You Look - "Sorry Everybody" Canadian version

I'm sorry that this has become reality.


There's 63.34% of Canadian voters who said NO to Lego-man.



Brace yourself - the reign of minority Con's begins....



*Note: Wow, I'm impress. News of the Robotron made it on Perez Hilton's website. Perez is so sexxxxxxxxxxxy!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Made you look....again - so there is hope after all!

Judge rules against 'intelligent design'

Guardian Unlimited
Staff and agencies
Tuesday December 20, 2005


A US federal judge today ruled that "intelligent design" - the belief that a higher power, rather than evolution, created life - cannot be mentioned in biology classes in a Pennsylvania school district.

The Dover area school board violated the constitution when it ordered that its biology curriculum must include intelligent design (ID), district judge John Jones said.

The policy, adopted in October 2004, is believed to have been the first of its kind in the country.

"The citizens of the Dover area were poorly served by the members of the board who voted for the ID policy," Judge Jones wrote in his 139-page judgement.

"It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy.

"We find that the secular purposes claimed by the board amount to a pretext for the board's real purpose, which was to promote religion in the public school classroom."

The board's attorneys said members sought to improve science education by exposing students to alternatives to Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection, or evolution. Intelligent-design supporters argue that it cannot fully explain the existence of complex life forms.

The district was sued by a group of 11 parents who claimed the intelligent design policy was unconstitutional and unscientific and had no place in science classrooms. They argued that intelligent design amounts to a secular repackaging of creationism, which the courts have already ruled cannot be taught in public schools.

The Dover policy required students to hear a statement about intelligent design before ninth-grade biology lessons on evolution. The statement said Charles Darwin's theory is "not a fact", has inexplicable "gaps", and refers students to ID textbook Of Pandas and People for more information.

Mr Jones said advocates of intelligent design "have bona fide and deeply held beliefs which drive their scholarly endeavours" and that he didn't believe the concept shouldn't be studied and discussed.

"Our conclusion today is that it is unconstitutional to teach ID as an alternative to evolution in a public school science classroom," he wrote.

The dispute is the latest chapter in a long-running debate over the teaching of evolution dating back to the famous 1925 Scopes monkey trial, in which Tennessee biology teacher John Scopes was fined $100 (£57) for violating a state law that forbade teaching evolution. The Tennessee supreme court reversed his conviction on the narrow ground that only a jury trial could impose a fine exceeding $50, and the law was repealed in 1967.


Saturday, December 17, 2005

Made you look - introducing.......GOD

An American Surgeon - m4w


Reply to: pers-112993824@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-11-22, 7:04AM EST


I have an M.D. from Harvard. I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery. I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England. So I ask you; when someone goes into a chapel and fall on their knees and prays to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute nearal trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, and go to church-with luck you might win the annual raffle, but if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 21, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Made you look - the world's 6th most corrupt country

"Scams have become so successful in Nigeria that anti-sleaze campaigners say swindling is one of the country's main foreign exchange earners after oil, natural gas and cocoa."
- Reuters, Nigerian email scammers jailed

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Made You Look - we'll instigate the attack once Target and A&F moves north to 44



Televangelist condemns anti-creationism policy

Julian Borger in Washington
Nov. 12, 2005
The Guardian

America's best known televangelist, Pat Robertson, has warned a Pennsylvania town that it could face divine retribution for voting creationists off its education authority.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city," Mr. Robertson said on his Christian Broadcasting Network, which claims a daily audience of one million.


Residents ousted conservative Christian members of the local Dover Board who had ordered teachers to tell their classes evolution was a questionable theory.



Tuesday, October 04, 2005

 
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